This is the question I am almost assured of getting every time I raise the awareness of the importance for our society to pay attention to the need for post-abortion healing in men. In a sex saturated society it seems surprising to me that people seem to know so very little about the facts of life. A mother cannot produce a child on her own; she needs a male’s participation for this to happen. Consequently when a child is put to death in an abortion it results in a death for a mother and a father, a death that needs to be dealt with through the normal process of grieving.

There are several forces, which inhibit a man in his attempt to address the issues arising from the killing of his child. Notice first of all that I used the words 'killing of his child'. This statement contains two influences which hinder a mans taking ownership regarding what has happened in an 'abortion'. 

First of all the word 'killing'. The word 'killing' suggests that something was alive. In order to kill something it needs to be living. At the point of conception the material in the womb of the mother is a human being. Left alone without any tampering this embryo becomes a living human person. Every one of us on earth was once a one-second-old embryo. I was once a 1-second-old embryo and so were you who are reading this article. We all were the fetuses that were. Science verifies this through the field of genetics and spirituality verifies this through Holy Scripture. What is extracted and destroyed in an 'abortion' is a human being.

Therefore the first hindrance that a man needs to get past is euphemisms such as abortion. A man needs to realize that abortion is actually killing and in reality is murder. It wasn't just a clump of cells, it wasn't just a product of conception, it wasn't just the termination of a pregnancy. It was the killing and death of a viable unique human being, his own child.

The second word I would like to look at from this phrase 'killing of his child' is the word 'his'. Popular culture would dictate to a man that it's not his body the child is in so he has no say in what becomes of it. He is told that he has no rights in regards to the life or death of that child. Legally, he can do nothing to protect him or her if he wants them to live. This reality in our culture can separate a man from recognizing that while this was the mother’s child who has died it was also his child. It makes it somewhat difficult to take ownership of what has happened to his son or daughter.

If a man can get past these forces that supporthis denial he then has to begin looking at his guilt, shame, remorse and anger. To narrow down the kinds of circumstances a post-abortive man has found himself in one can look at (a) man who has forced his partner into an abortion (b) a man who wanted his child but whose partner, has nonetheless kill it. Both men will have the natural law of God within them convicting his conscience of what he has done and releasing emotions to coincide with their experience. Many men at this point in order to escape the speaking conscience turn to chemicals to dull the pain and silence it's voice.

In the first case if a man has forced his partnerinto an abortion he will inevitably be experiencing such emotions such as guilt, shame, remorse,and self-hatred. God releases those emotions in spite of a man's intellectual opinion on the issue. If the man wanted the child and the woman has aborted the child against his will he will have to deal with the anger and powerlessness that he feels as a consequence. There are various dimensions in between these two extremes. However most categories will result in the onsetof emotions such as guilt, shame, remorse, and anger.

If a man is fortunate enough to be able to move beyond these emotions he will then have to deal with the loss of his child. He will have to pass through the stages of grief in order to come to a more peaceful resolution with this issue.

Post abortion healing weekends typically address all of these issues. They allow a man to process the events of these issues in his life in a safe and protected environment. If a man can summon the courage to face these skeletons in his closet I know from experience that God can bring him to a place of fuller healing and restoration. The abortion my girlfriend had left me bewildered, guilty, ashamed, angry, hopeless and grieving. At the time I had no words to describe the turmoil I entered into after that event. It was only through reconciling myself with God and entering into a journey of healing that I was able to untangle the mass of emotions that were lumped together inside of me. Alcohol did not work, drugs did not work and sex did not work. Turning to a loving, forgiving, healing and restoring God has worked and continues to work in restoring me from a place of destruction to a place of victory.

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners of whom I am chief said the apostle Paul. He knew what it was like to consent to the death of an innocent person, just like I did. He also knew what God could do with a life totally yielded to him. Let Jesus take the lid off of this Pandora's box of an abortion experience, and allow the master physician to bring the fuller restoration you need. He did it for Paul, he's doing it for me, and he can do it for you.

-Rev Scott Miller (Director of Lighthouse Mission Soup Kitchen , Canada )