It is said that God can bring good out of all things, even the worst of sins if the sinner is truly repentant. There was a time when I would have found this hard to believe-especially if the sin were the one I had committed. The “unforgivable” sin of abortion. Now I know through personnel experience that this is true. God does bring good out of all things…if we let Him. I know that some of you are probably thinking, “but I had more than one abortion” or “mine was probably worse than hers” or “no one forced me to abort,” etc. My answer to you is this process of healing from abortion isn’t about who you are and what you have done, it is about who He is and what He has done. When I look back at where I have come from, the guilt, the shame, the grief, it is with continual amazement and a deep joy and gratitude that I live my life now. Instead of doubting His love and goodness towards me, I have come to expect it.
The mercy of God for those who dare to take the journey of healing from abortion with Him in complete trust and abandonment, is there for the taking, bringing with it a new found life, one that is full of peace. This peace is there because He now lives within me. I no longer feel the need to be perfect. I have bared my soul before the Lord and He has loved me in spite of my imperfections, even because of them. I no longer fear abandonment, for I have learned He never abandoned me, even after my abortion. Through my healing, He has taught me compassion and mercy for others. I am careful not to judge for I know where I have come from and how I needed compassion and mercy. Through my child lost to abortion, He has taught me to truly love, not self-centered attachments to satisfy my own needs. Through the forgiveness I have been shown by God and my child I have learned to forgive others, even myself. Because of the love I have found in God I am less afraid of the suffering we must all face in life because I am not alone in it, but He is always with me.
I won’t lie to you. It is a difficult journey. You must face yourself honestly. It is frightening to see the many faults we have and for us who are post abortive, the very things we often have to face are sometimes the same fears that caused us to choose to abort our children to begin with. The paradox is that facing these things, like abandonment, self love, pride, etc., are the very things that will set us free from them and no matter how hard the journey, it is never as difficult as what you are living with now.
So, I invite you and pray that you will begin your journey towards healing by reaching out to those trained to help. By educating yourself on the very real issues relating to post abortion, and most importantly, by putting your trust in God even if you don’t “feel” trustful. You are not alone in your feelings; there are reasons for them. There is no room for “politics” or controversy in abortion. We have lost our children and need to be allowed to grieve for them. Through healing you will become a better person in spite of your abortion. God, through His mercy and love, is waiting for you.
I will be praying for you.
Theresa Bonopartis, Director of Lumina
Co-Developer Entering Canaan Ministry