I have come to learn that God’s ways and His timing, most times, are not the same as mine. He is gentle and heals us in layers, always leading us to His love, the only place we have the courage to look at our sins. He knows what we can handle and when, so he does not make us look at everything all at once. Sometimes it may take years before things are revealed.
I must admit, it has been over thirty years since my abortion, and the one person I never really felt called to speak to was Joe, the father of my aborted son, Joshua. I am not sure why. Maybe because he was out of the picture by the time I had the abortion, or because it had been so many years. I had no idea where he was, and it was just never something that came up for me, so it came as a surprise when on a recent day one of my sisters asked me if I had ever told him what had happened. I replied that I thought he knew I had had an abortion, but we had never spoken. Then, she asked “Well, don’t you think he has a right to know what happened?” A part of me realized she was right, and I told her I would pray about it and ask God for direction.
Well, this time He answered within a week! I received a notice for my high school reunion and guess
whose contact information was on the site! There was no denying that this was an answer to my prayer for
direction. For over thirty years we had had no contact and then all of a sudden there he was!
I prayed for a few more days, and then sent him an email telling him what had happened. I also shared
how even this horrific sin God had brought good out of. I shared how our unborn son had touched thousands and thousands of lives through Lumina and Entering Canaan. I also sent him the web sites for post abortive fathers not knowing what his experience had been or if he had ever addressed it. Lastly, I told him he did not have to respond, it was
okay, I just knew I was called to contact him and that I was sorry I had given in to the pressure to abort our son.
It was not long before I received a response. He apologized for what I had gone through and asked if he could make it up to me in any way. At no time during my pregnancy did this boy (at the time we were teenagers) ask me to abort our baby, and
I came to learn how my dad had approached him and threatened him, telling him to stay away from me.
I would be lying if I did not admit it opened more issues with my dad, but as with many times in the past, I have made the choice to forgive him and I continue to pray for him.
Perhaps the greatest grace from all of this was that I knew in my heart I needed nothing from Joe. I was at
peace and he did not have to “make up” for anything. Not that he could. I already knew that the only person
capable of that was Jesus Christ, and He already had.