I once heard a clergy person involved in the pro life movement speak of how he had to push the Holy Spirit to get things done. We all can have a tendency at times to believe we know what needs to be done even if it is obvious that it may not be the right time. We follow the will of “me” instead of “Him”, sometimes without even realizing it.
Personally, I always have to check myself. I am busy and so; I am constantly learning to prayerfully discern what it is God is asking of me, what I should be doing, and what I should say “no” to, in spite of what others would like me to do. It makes me unpopular at times, when people think I should be at certain events or doing certain things, but for me I have learned the only thing that is important is listening to the Holy Spirit and doing God’s will and not my own or anyone else’s.
I am blessed to be friends with a “monk” who prays for me and the work of the ministry. He is a true gift from God. I have never met him, but when his letters come I often feel like he is reading my soul because they never fail to reflect what it is I am struggling with at the time.
Since I run the ministry with no other full time help and through the generosity of volunteers, it can get a little crazy at times. I used to pressure myself to get it all done, but I am getting better at prioritizing and putting the people seeking help first. The rest will get done in time, and I have to learn to accept that. I am not a super woman!
A recent letter from my monk friend quotes the book “The Practice of the Presence of God” by Brother Lawrence.
That we give ourselves up to God, with regard to both things temporal and spiritual, and seek our satisfaction only in the fulfilling of His will, whether he leads us by suffering or consolation, for all would be equal to a soul truly resigned.”
“By suffering or consolation”. That really hit me. To recognize that all is by the will of God and as long as I follow that will the rest is not important and I can have peace. My soul would be resigned.
It is hard to imagine such an even keel. To trust so much at every moment. To be so in His presence all the time, that no matter what I would be at peace.
When I think about it, I believe it, but to me it is like the fleeting thing you try to catch and the more you try, the more it escapes you. Still I will continue to rest in His presence and continue to try to learn to rest there in the hectic pace of life giving myself up to Him in all things with unfailing trust. I will try, not to catch it, but to let it go into His arms of Mercy.