The Judas in Us

Jesus: O Soul steeped in darkness, do not despair. All is not yet lost. Come and confide in your God who is love and mercy.

In the soul arises this reply: “For me there is no mercy,” and it falls into greater darkness, a despair which is a foretaste of hell and makes it unable to draw near to God.

Jesus calls to the soul a third time, but the soul remains deaf and blind, hardened and despairing. Then the mercy of God begins to exert itself, and without any cooperation from the soul, God grants it final grace. If this too is spurned, God will leave the soul in this self-chosen disposition for eternity. This grace emerges from the merciful Heart of Jesus and gives the soul a special light by means of which the soul begins to understand God’s effort; but conversion depends on its own will. The soul knows that this, for her, is final grace and, should it show even a flicker of good will, the mercy of God will accomplish the rest (1486).

The Judas in Us

We all know who Judas Iscariot was.  For thirty pieces of silver, he betrayed his friend Jesus Christ.  For three years he had followed this man, yet in spite of being his apostle he did not truly know him.  We cannot know for sure what prompted this betrayal.  We all tend to think if we were in such a situation, we would never do such a thing.  How could he?  This was the Savior, the Messiah.  Judas was in the midst of god.  It all seems so clear to us.  Whatever the motive of Judas – greed, power, fear – we can safely assume its roots were in self love.

After the arrest of Jesus, Judas realized what he had done.  He finally understood who Jesus was — life itself.  We are told he repented and brought back the thirty pieces of silver saying, “I have sinned in betraying innocent blood” (Matt 27:4), but the chief priests and elders said, “What is that to us?  See to it thyself.” (Matt 27:5)  At that, Judas flung the silver pieces into the temple, withdrew “and went away and hanged himself with a halter.”  (Matt 27:5)

What was Judas’ biggest sin?  Most of us would say the betrayal of Jesus.  But this is not so.  Judas despaired.  Even after living with Jesus for 3 years, hearing Him preach and witnessing his miracles, Judas still didn’t believe that the unlimited love and mercy of God was bigger than any sin he committed.  Had he only gone to Jesus in his sorrow and repentance he would have been forgiven.  He believed in and hated himself more than he believed in Jesus.  He thought that he had committed the unforgivable sin.  He thought he was God.  He doubted Jesus’ love for him.

Like Judas, all too often, we who are post abortive believe that we too have committed the unforgivable sin.  It is hard for us to imagine God taking us in His arms and saying, “Your sins are forgiven you.”  Often even if we have gone to the Sacrament of Reconciliation, we still leave feeling unforgiven.  How can forgiveness be possible when we are responsible for the death of our very own children?  What sin could be worse?

The key to this unfathomable forgiveness and mercy is the knowledge of Jesus Christ who is living in our midst as well, a knowing that his ways are not our ways and that his mercy and love are truly bigger than any sin we are capable of committing.  It is a firm belief in His promises.  It is a forgiveness of self because to do less would be an insult to God.  It is loving Him more than ourselves because He is God and “worthy of all our love.”  If He can really forgive us, who are we to deny ourselves that forgiveness.

Who can say that he is free from sin and does not need God’s mercy? As people of this restless time of ours, wavering between the emptiness of self-exaltation and the humiliation of despair, we have a greater need than ever for a regenerating experience of mercy.     Pope John Paul II (April 10, 1994, Divine Mercy Sunday)