Todays Readings: Thursday of the First Week of Lent
In her anguish Queen Esther poured out her heart pleading to God for help. As God heard Queen Esther’s cry, he also hears ours and is always present during our suffering.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”. Sometimes we are afraid to open that door, sometimes we are afraid to take the first step. For years after my abortions, I was afraid of that door, I was afraid to seek because I was ashamed. I thought I could carry this weight on my own. I wanted to be left alone and that I didn’t need anyone, especially God. I built walls around me to shelter out everything good, and the enemies of hate, despair, unworthiness, shame, and many other sufferings brought about by my abortions remained on the inside and they started to devour my soul.
For years, my life was falling apart and then I stared to crash. It was only in this moment of despair that I knew I could no longer stay in such a dark place. I was unable to escape on my own. My soul was in danger from the attacks of the enemies that I kept within my walls.
I cried out to the Lord for I was alone and had no one else but Him to turn. By Queen Esther’s courage and prayers, she changed history, by my courage to finally seek our Lord the course of my life changed.
When we find ourselves in challenging times, or rebuilding our walls, or creeping into that dark place, we need to ask our Lord to take us to His heart. We need to ask Him for the grace to endure the difficulties we face, and as we draw closer allow Him to take over.
God is always at work even if we can’t see the story and you feel doubt. He loves you; He knows everything you’re facing, and He is working within you. May we follow His voice. God will make great things happen. He will give us the grace necessary for whatever lies ahead, and He is always present with us as we continue our journey of healing.