“Behold, now is a very acceptable time; behold, now is the day of salvation”. (2 Cor.6:2b)
After my abortion a thick vail of denial covered many years of my life until my body and mind succumb to the reality that I couldn’t keep leaving under my own rules and ways; they were too heavy to bear.
I had broken every commandment in the tablet; the Church wanted nothing to do with me, and God probably didn’t even bother to think of me. So I thought.
I made my own new rules to live by. Decrees that can help me forget and justify aborting my baby. Little that I knew; being the best at work or getting involved in community services and in every outdoor activity possible to keep myself busy, did not take my hidden pain away. They never worked.
All that those rules did, were isolating me from my love ones; lashing out at anybody’s different opinion than mine; bursting into tears for silly reasons. I never make any new friends; I didn’t have anything in common with them and the old ones, I just kept them afar. My life became the sum of just two sad things: one: success and achievements that I could not enjoy because It cost the life of my unborn baby, and second, loneliness; my well-deserved punishment.
Miserable days of being angry all the time. Long night of crying my eyes out to sleep. I couldn’t keep living that way anymore. One day, God heard my cry and answered me. He had an acceptable time for me. It was 2015-16 in the Year of Mercy, that I began to “to walk in His ways” and listen to his voice. God gave me the grace to examine my life through his commandments and embrace self-compassion. Commandments that I’ve learn when I was a child and I selfishly forgotten. After taking little steps in my journey with the Lord, and experiencing His healing love, I’ve discovered that God’s Commandments are the true way of life, the one I want to live by.
God too made this agreement with me “You are to be a people peculiarly his own”, these words have become real to me. I don’t want anything but to be His own. My life has a new meaning and purpose: to give and to love, to seek and see my Lord in everything and everyone. There is a new freedom in that kind of love. Jesus has commanded us to love and pray, even for our enemies …” So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect.”. And that’s the desire of my heart. Only His kind of love can fill that hole left in my soul. His Absolute and Perfect love can heal the wound left by losing my baby in the abortion. I’m forever grateful to God. I know His grace is enough and He will give me the strength to walk in His ways and to seek him with all my heart.
Take courage my friend; when we decide to accept God’s Mercy the shame and pain of our wounds are no longer clouding our senses and we will feel His presence. The Lord will makes us understand that in His providence all actions and pains have a purpose …“That you may be Children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.”. It takes humility to recognize our bad choices and the unjust killing of our children. Mercifully, God take us back as his daughters “for now is the day of salvation.”
So today when Abortion is taking a hold on our nation, and the youth are being deceived by a society that has forgotten God’s ordinances; it is our duty, those who know of the painful consequences of breaking God’s commandments and walking away from his love, to be a beacon of hope and witness that observing the Lord’s laws with all our heart and soul will make us a free and blessed people (Psalm 119:1) a Blessed Nation.
Today O will ask Mother Mary to help us make a healthy examination of conscience. To Thank God for His presence in our good actions and call on the guidance of the Holy Spirit for the things we have done wrong. Let’s keep growing in holiness, by the grace of God; we too are called to be Holy.