Todays Readings: Wednesday of the second week of Lent
In many ways I feel as though I ransomed my aborted babies; I ransomed them in exchange for a life that I thought I should live. They were in the way, each of them… three of them. I wanted to be great and do great things and they were in the way. It was selfish and self-destructive in addition to the obvious: my babies died by my hands. “Let us destroy him by his own tongue.” This struck me from the readings. The evil one used “my own tongue” to destroy me, destroy my children. It was my doing and even now, decades later, I can fall into a pit of despair if I’m not careful. I can hear the whispers of the crown and let fear take over: “You’re a horrible person!”, “This is unforgiveable!”, “How could you?!”, and so on. But that is not the way of Mercy! That is not what God planned.
“I am the light of the world…”. My heavenly Father greatly desires for me to pick myself up out of the depths of despair and look to the light. Even the deepest darkness cannot hide the light of Christ. He is my refuge. He rescues me from “the whispers of the crowd” that frighten me. It’s been over 25 years since my last abortion, and I can still find myself doubting. Trust can be difficult. But I trust in Jesus. I trust in His Love and Mercy. Nothing makes sense without it. He came to serve me and ransom His life for me! He loves me beyond all measure from all eternity. I must return this love. I must trust in it. And I do.
Today: Speak with our Lord and tell Him you will begin/continue to put all your trust in Him. Quiet the whispers in your own heart and allow His mercy to wash over you like a calm wave. Be gentle with yourself. Jesus longs to love and cherish you… Let Him.