Once I realized the truth of my abortions (it took 30 years of depression and denial for our Lord to reach me), in despair – I called out to God in my distress. “For the Lord comforts his people/and shows mercy to his afflicted.”(Isaiah 49:13) Only the knowledge of God’s forgiveness made it possible for me to tolerate the truth and blast through my denial.
It’s been a long journey of healing (Entering Canaan being the beginning) and deeper healing and more healing as “The Lord lifts up all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down”(Psalm 145:14). Even though it’s now been over a decade since my initial healing, the shame of what I had done, and the grief for my children resurfaces especially at pro life events- when I meet people who choose life or when I see large families. I miss my children, I long for those children. That is when I turn to Jesus and Mary, asking to know his mercy again, for him to be near me “The Lord is near to all who call upon him, to all who call upon him in truth.”(Psalm 145:18) I cannot forgive myself. It is only with the power of Jesus, when I call out to him who is Truth that I can, in the name of Jesus, forgive – myself and others whose sins led me reject God’s beautiful gift. I don’t want to reject God’s gift again – his gift of forgiveness. So I bind my pain to the cross of Christ and by his blood are able to forgive.
I ask for my children to forgive me and I know they hear me. “For just as the father raises the dead and gives life, so also does the Son give life to whomever he wishes”(John 5:21) Jesus loved the little children, and I know he loves my children. They are alive in heaven, and I hope to meet them someday. “Whoever hears my word and believes in the one who sent me has eternal life and will not come to condemnation, but has passed from death to life”.(John 5:24)
We must reject the lie the enemy tell us- that we are condemned. We are God’s precious children. Jesus loves us, he died for us, he forgives us. He wants to restore our dignity. We do not have to live in shame. Say out loud today and any time you feel attacked by the lies of the enemy or you feel hopelessness and grief:
“In the Holy name of Jesus, I forgive myself and others for my abortion. In the Holy Name of Jesus I reject, renounce and rebuke the spirit of hopelessness, of shame, of grief. Jesus, fill me with your love and your grace. Jesus I trust in you. Amen”