Lenten Meditation Adoring the Cross

“Because prayer at the foot of the Cross deepens the vision of ones sinfulness as well as faith in the love of God. Your evil was conquered and erased by virtue of the redemptive sacrifice of Christ. Through the power of the One whose love for you has no limits you were redeemed. In adoring the Cross you will realize this ever more fully.” (In the Arms of Mary, SC Beila)

 

“Through the power of the One whose love for you has no limits, you were redeemed”

A love without limits. That is hard for us to imagine because our human love is often filled with a bunch of limits.

• I will love you if …
• I don’t love you anymore because…
• How can I love you when …
• If you do this it is over
• I did not sign up for this…

How many of us may have had limits manifested to us before we chose abortion?

• If you love me you will abort
• If you do not abort I will leave
• If you do not abort you cannot finish school/keep your job etc. etc.

Our human love seems to have more to do with getting for ourselves than giving of ourselves.

 I used to hate the cross. It scared me. I felt guilty for putting Jesus there and it reminded me of all I was not and my total sinfulness. I was completely focused on self instead of all He was and his sinlessness and mercy for me.

It also seemed completely impossible for me to meet what I thought were the expectations of Christ. I was too weak, too fearful, too sinful, too needy and ignorant of how to even begin to live the life I felt He was asking of me. I always felt like I had to be a certain place before I went to Him, I never realized that it was by going to Him that I would reach that place.

While a part of me longed for relationship with Him, I had no inkling of this love He offered. A love that willingly died on the cross. A living love, right here, right now.

Christ’s love challenges us to grow, to step away from ”self”. The paradox of our faith, by giving ourselves up, we get fulfillment. It is hard to digest.

Most of us aborted because of “self”. Whether it was pure self interest or self preservation it still was about self. That can be hard for us to admit. But it is in entering into all the feelings and doubts and fears that caused us to abort, that we will find peace and fulfillment. But I will get back to that

I have been thinking lately about how much suffering there is in the world. We run around too busy for most things. We have forgotten how to relax and rest in the Lord. So many people have so many crosses, war, disease, unemployment, addiction, illness, and so many people feel so alone and abandoned. They are so busy looking to fill self they forget that they get filled by emptying self, by being there for others. We are so afraid to suffer with others, afraid that it will touch our supposed neat little worlds. I was afraid to give of myself when I had my abortion. Afraid if I had my baby I would not survive in this world. Abortion is the ultimate clinging to self…the denying of life thinking it will preserve us, when in affect it not only takes the life of our child but all we were meant to be.

We are all adverse to suffering. Even in our healing we want it here and now. We look for a quick fix, as if there could possibly be one. Just think of how awful it would be to be able to take the life of our children and get over it right away. What kind of a person would we be? I have always said I am glad my abortion bothered me. I would not want to take the life of my child and be ok with that. That is scarier to me than what I have gone through.

How can he forgive after He suffered so much and died for my sins..fact is, we are already forgiven precisely because he died for our sins.

Dying to self..walking the journey of healing. Do not be afraid on your journey. God will not leave you alone.  He already knows we are all sinners.

He knows every saint has his past and every sinner has his future

The Cross is the way to Paradise, but only when it is borne willingly.
——–St. Paul of the Cross

In uniting yourself to God’s will, you take on new life and gather great courage, willingly embracing the cross and kissing His hand even when it chastises you, a hand that reaches out to you in love and has no other intention but your greater spiritual well-being.  ——–St. Paul of the Cross`

Learning a lot about the cross this Lent

It may not be my idea of what a cross should be (and we all have our acceptable crosses don’t we?)

But its the ultimate task of continually letting go and trusting God. I do better some days than others.

Mary has been teaching me. Her cross was to see her son suffer

She did not tell him what he should have done, what to say or not say

• Why didn’t you stand up to Pilate and Herod
• Why not come down from that cross and show them who you are

Instead, she trusted God knew He had to do this for our salvation

She quietly stood there supporting and loving him

Not easy

We want to take control and make things what we see as right.

I am so blessed..I meet God every day in the women and men we minister to. I don’t always ”love” it. In fact, in my human nature I moan and groan (Mary can tell you that!)..I have a friend who calls me the whiney saint…he is right. I am weak and the human side of me still hates suffering, but I also love the suffering…because it is there at the cross that I encounter Christ and His great love for us. It is there I find the strength to continue and bear  sufferings. It is there I found healing from my abortion

Perhaps the best way to explain it would be to share something I wrote after my healing.

 “Where Mercy Meets Faithfulness

 It is the point of healing. The joining of ultimate pain with ultimate love.  An act of complete trust and surrender, a climbing on the cross with Christ there to join mercy with faithfulness.

I can remember the struggles of faithfulness, the searching in the dark to find God, the holding on to His Word because I had tried everything else and I longed to be healed.  The movement in spite of the pain, the darkness, the fear, because there was nothing to loose…there could be no greater hell than the one I had made for myself.

I begged and pleaded with God reminding Him of His promises, in spite of me. I worked at chipping my remains away, fighting myself so I could reach a complete surrender.

There were many times when I needed encouragement to continue, my temptations and bouts with despair. Times when I felt I couldn’t go on, but God provided the people necessary to give me the push that I needed, the words I had to hear, the strength to hang on.

I continually pleaded for the saint’s intercession and especially entrusted myself to Mary and Joseph.

And finally, one day alone with Jesus, because He is the only one who can heal, I trusted enough to climb on the cross, to be one with the pain and love that exists there and to allow that love to fill the deep wounds that I had.

There, His mercy met my faithfulness and I finally felt healed of my abortion. I suddenly understood so much of scripture. So much of it was then fulfilled in me, such a gift given. I felt like Mary Magdalene at the foot of the cross. Immense love had taken on immense sin and had washed away its stains.

To be sure, the process of healing from abortion is painful and delicate, but with the right help and trust in God even if not “felt”, it is possible. Jesus in His mercy longs to heal us…we in our faithfulness need to persevere.