“But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.” (1Timothy1:16)
It is hard to fathom the mercy of God. Even when we have experienced it I don’t think we truly get our nothingness in the light of His mercy. There is a part of us that still thinks we have something to do with it, that gives credit for our healing in some way, to ourselves, but the truth is, it is all Him and the more we surrender to His mercy and die to self, the more mercy there is.
I have been on this journey of healing from abortion for over fifty years now and still I am learning, trying to let go and surrender to Him totally. Learning to just “be” in His presence and trust in Him.
It can be very hard for someone who experienced such trauma, who was abandoned by those who were supposed to love her, who learned very young not to trust. I find I need to be very careful of the lines I walk, the line between holy detachment and self reliance, the line between dependence and allowing myself to need someone, the line between the obligation to speak out and the quest for control because so much of my life was spent out of control. I can go on and on.
It is in Mercy Himself that I have found the answer, the road map to His love, in allowing myself to love Him, but more than that in allowing myself to be loved by Him.
As I have grown in His Mercy, I have come to recognize more and more how deep it is without having anything to do with me. In fact, the more it has nothing to do with me the deeper and deeper it is.
What a phenomenal gift He has given us. There for the taking in our healing. It does not matter what I am, or what I do, only that I am His child. We can spend so much time refusing to believe our sinfulness, our nothingness, we cling to it as if it were our worth, when in truth it is the opposite, it keeps us from the fullness of life in Christ.
I love Divine Mercy Sunday, and I am so grateful that God has allowed me to be an instrument in bringing His mercy to others for all of these years. It is transforming, freeing, beautiful.
In His goodness He has also given us an aide in this journey through His Mother Mary, who surrendered and allowed herself to totally be consumed by Mercy Himself even to the point of loving us who crucified her Son.
If you are on the healing journey, I encourage you- continue to let go. Do not be afraid no matter how hard it seems or how painful it feels. He is there healing you, leading you if you are open to Him. He is there in your wounds waiting for you.
If you have not begun the journey yet, set out. There are many who have gone before you to help you on the way, they know where you are at and they want you to know healing is in the journey itself, in doing Gods will, in allowing Him into your heart in trust even if you do not “feel” trust.
May this Divine Mercy Sunday bring countless graces into your life. May it give us all the courage and the strength we need in this life as we travel to our heavenly home.
Blessed Divine Mercy!